Notes From The Cell
The poems that helped me find Nyx's voice before Bound.
Before Bound became a novel, Nyx’s captivity existed as a series of short poems written over several weeks. I imagined what a prisoner would feel and do all day in a cell. This is the result.
They never made it into the novel, but they helped me to discover Nyx’s voice and to develop the captivity arc. Don’t worry, they don’t spoil the story, but they’ll give you a glimpse of what’s to comes. Enjoy.
The recording is special to me. The melody haunted me for months. I never wrote it down, but it is mine. This is the first time I publicly share my singing, so please be kind.
The cuffs bite deep into my skin, They hold me fast, but not within. They want me quiet, small, and tame, I’ve never played that kind of game.
They count my breath, they track my pain, They threaten me with more than chain. This is a game I cannot lose. I shut my mouth and give no clues.
He locked the cuffs around my wrist, Made sure the others couldn’t twist. I should have spit, I should have fought. I did. He laughed. I wish he’d not.
One turns away, one always stays, One watches close in careful ways. They play their parts, I see it clear. I do not trust. That’s safer here.
They think I’m trapped, reduced, confined, A body caged, a broken mind. They’ve watched me break and fed the flame. You don’t need chains to change the game.
He is not here, but I still feel The edge of something warm and real. If he comes close, if he gets through, They won’t survive what he will do.
One jokes too much, too loud, too fast, Like every smile is built to last. But sharp things hide in reckless men. They don’t play nice without a plan.
The healer’s hands are cold and neat, He does not flinch at blood or heat. He stitched me up without a word. As if I got what I deserved.
I learned the guards who drink too much, Which ones leer and which don’t touch. A cage becomes a map with time. Despite the hunger and the grime.
The food is bad, the water worse, Some days I think they lace it first. Not poison, nothing quite so kind. It’s just enough to wear the mind.
The walls don’t speak, but people do, A careless word, a tale half-true. The trick is learning when to wait, Most secrets walk right through the gate.
The captain laughs and calls me dear, As if we’re friends assembled here. I hate him more for every grin, The bastard sometimes lets me win.
The marshal sees what others miss, A trembling hand, a clenched-up fist. He says far less than most men dare. That’s dangerous. The best ones care.
At night the darkness settles deep, And sleep becomes a thing to keep. The dreams are cruel, the mornings worse. And hope is both, a gift and curse.
They ask the same things every day, Though different words, the selfsame gray. The answer never seems enough, Truth matters less than giving up.
I miss the things I never named, The simple ones I once had claimed. A meal with friends, and open skies. You learn their worth when freedom dies.
The traitor brings me food sometimes, And speaks in riddles, jokes and rhymes. I should despise him. That is true. The problem is, I hate that too.
Some cages close with iron bars, Some lock behind old grief and scars. The clever ones don’t need a key, They simply teach you not to flee.
The bitch just smiles with painted grace, As hatred hides behind her face. I’d rather fight a sharpened blade, At least a knife is honest hate.
I count the days. I count the cost. I count the names of those we’ve lost. The numbers blur. The purpose stays. Survive. Endure. Escape this place.
The bond is quiet, but still there, A silver thread through cold despair. They think they’ve cut me off from home. The fools don’t know I’m not alone.
They wait for silence, tears, or pleas, For me to bow and bend my knees. Perhaps one day I’ll lose this fight, But not before they feel my bite.
If you want to know how Nyx’s world looked like before these verses existed, the prequel short story Fractured releases on July 31.
Watch for the announcement.
Curious how Nyx’s journey began? You can read the extended preview of Bound here.
Questions and complaints are to be directed at the court scribe. King Varian will review them at his leisure.
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💖💖💖. Nyx's story is gonna be a blast. Dark romantasy with poison and dagger... You gives me chill, darling.
Wow, I loved it!